tell me i was wrong when u looked at me~

Hello my dear damn fucking readers.

When Allah brought me here, sometimes I couldn't see how much thankful I am to Him.
But deep down I do know that I love being here, in this world, I love this life that He gave it to me.
It's easy to say, "Alhamdulillah" but to say it wholeheartedly, not everybody could do that.

I'd always think that my life has been cruel enough to me.
But I guess that was me myself who did that to me.
I never get bored searching for the light.
Maybe it was there, waiting for me.
Maybe I couldn't see it, yet.
Everything has been written.
I don't blame the fate.
Allah has made life the best  for me.
It's just that I have to keep on searching for it.

Could I still laugh like I used to?
And smile like I really meant it?

When I look into the mirror
I'm asking myself,
"Who's this girl?"
Standing there
crying over herself
and all i see is, emptiness.

And why is that?
Allah made this life simple.
If you follow His rules and do whatever He ask you to,
then you will never get lost.
Maybe that is why I'm not happy.
It is because I didn't do what I should do.
And what I should do is all what He wants me to do.
Trust me, I'm still trying.
And I will keep on trying.
I want to be loved not just by my family, my friends or anyone.
But most of all, I want to be loved by God.

Forgive me for writing this.
Just want you to know that some part of me is not what I really am.
I'm  not used to be like this, some kind of hatred person.
Only God knows what I feel, what I think about.
Just pray for me, and for my happiness.
I would be glad to pray for you too.
Thank you.

to be continue.

xoxo

mental note to myself---------> HE always be by your side no matter what~